I am a planner. And I had dreamt of becoming a mother since I was a young girl. It seemed pretty natural for me (although maybe not normal!) to make a list of my favorite baby names to use when the time came. Over the years they have sort of evolved and some have been eliminated, but three have remained strong: Micah David, my second boy name (to be announced if another Rieke boy is in our future), and my favorite girl name of all time: Evie Caris.
When Josh and I initially found out the diagnosis of our sweet little girl, I wasn’t sure what to think. My initial gut instinct was to try and distance myself from the situation and from her, hoping it wouldn’t hurt so much. I wondered what we would name her. I mean, would I use my favorite girl name on a baby who would more than likely not survive?
Somewhere along my sorting out process the Lord reminded me of this song from Sanctus Real:
The lead singer, Matt Hammitt, was expecting a baby boy who had been diagnosed with a pretty severe heart defect and his chances of survival were slim. Matt said he struggled with those same feelings I was just describing: the thought process that maybe if I don’t let myself get too close, it won’t hurt so much when the baby leaves. But the Lord brought him to a different conclusion. Here are the lyrics to the chorus of this beautifully tender song: You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
‘Cause you’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start