I’ve written before about a quote from Jennifer Rothschild that encourages those who endure trials to allow those trials to refine them, and not define them. I understand that. I understand that we are meant to learn from our hard times and grow from them rather than be paralyzed by them. I get that.
However, I can’t help but realize that this two-time infant loss experience does define me. I mean, it’s kind of how I define myself and my ministry – wife, mother, two-time infant loss survivor – it’s kind of inseparable to who I am. I imagine, even years down the road, that’s what people will remember me for. Just like Daniel and the lions, David and the giant, Job and the … crazy stuff, sometimes God gives us all a very defining “thing” that sticks with us for our whole lives.
But, I hope more than just losing babies, people will remember my faith. I hope that it’s the refining that happened as a result of those incredibly defining experiences that really comes through in all that I do. That the peace that passes all understanding that has truly guarded my heart and mind will be impossible to forget. And that the God who brought this hardship into my life will still be seen as good. That’s my hope.
I think I’m ok to be defined by my losses because it is that definition that motivates me to continue to refine myself and reach out to those who feel very lost in their newfound label as fellow sufferer. I count it a true privilege.