Today’s Heart Lesson comes from Rachel L. You can visit her blog, where she shares her heart on being a Christ-following wife and mom, pictures of her adorable little toddler girls, and their journey to adoption.
Today, Rachel shares how the Lord revealed Himself to her while she grieved the loss of three adoptions. I think you will be blessed by her words.
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but…”
No good phone conversation ever begins with those words.
When I hung up with our social worker, I felt numb. I remember asking my boss if I could leave work early, but the rest of that day was a blur as were many of the days that year. The daughter we thought would be joining our family any day now was not going to be coming home with us at all. The birth mother’s plans had changed at the last minute…and they didn’t include us anymore.
We were devastated. Obviously, we knew it was a good thing for birth families to stay together when possible, but we were still heart broken. We had never met her, but we already loved this little girl. We had named her, bought her little outfits and toys, and prepared our home for her. And now, we had lost her.
Sadly, this wasn’t the first time we had received this awful phone call. And it wouldn’t be the last. In 2011, we lost three little girls to failed adoptions. And each time my heart felt as if it could not break any more. Not everyone understood why the grief was so intense, but I felt like I had had three children die only months apart. I have never been through anything so difficult in my life.
I had no idea why God would let us go through such heartwrenching loss again and again. I still don’t have all the answers to the questions I’ve asked. And, honestly, I feel that most of the reasons may have had very little to do with our family and more to do with the birth families who needed someone to be willing to parent their babies while they figured things out. And I am okay with that.
But, whatever the reasons we walked such a tough road on our journey to adopt, I learned some invaluable lessons about God and about who I am in Him.
You see, this wasn’t the first experience I’d had with adoption. I was adopted when I was in the first grade.
I was raised by my biological family, but I gave my life to Christ when I was young and was adopted into His family for eternity. I always knew about my adoption, but there was so much of it I didn’t understand until my husband & I started pursuing a child of our own through adoption.
1 John 3:1 says, “See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God, and such we are.”
Of course, I knew God loved me to have given me the title of His child, but I know this love in such a new way now. I know firsthand the love of an adoptive parent as a sacrificial love that is willing to risk and lose and hurt.
Knowing that God Himself became a human, became vulnerable and risked it all for us… even when He knew some would still reject Him…wow. Knowing that God endured separation from His only Son to open the door for me to come into His family…there are no words.
We risked having our hearts broken again at the end of 2011, when we said yes to being matched with an expectant mother of twins. This time, things worked out much differently.
But just as our now-children were immeasurably worth the risk, so were the three little ladies we never brought home. They were worth it.
And my heart is overwhelmed when I think that my Abba Father thinks that about me. I was worth it. All the pain. All the risk. All the loss He endured. I was worth it to Him. You are worth it to Him.
What a gift to walk through such a dark time but to now have such a richer understanding of our Father’s deep love. See what love He has lavished on us!